If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical, sexual, emotional or verbal, please get help to stop as soon as possible. Adults are supposed to safeguard and protect the young among us. You may be repeating patterns learned in your family of origin or not know any other methods of parenting.
I have included a number of different approaches to discipline that won’t damage the spirit of your precious children, but none will work if you haven’t acknowledged that what you were doing in the past was harmful and that your family deserved a more nurturing environment. I am not a psychologist or a counselor, but I know there are good ones out there who can assist you in shifting your paradigm of discipline to a more loving and respectful relationship.
You owe it to your children and yourself to break the bonds and cycle of abuse and get help. Change is possible; I see it every day in families I work with. You are a good, kind and loving person or you wouldn’t be reading this book and attending these classes, so I encourage you to take the steps that will change the lives of your children and their children.
You can do it. I believe in you.
A list of talking points to help you discipline without damage is listed below.
o The meaning of the word discipline
o Is your love unconditional
o Be both firm and kind in discipline
o Adults also need time out
o Teach them that mistakes are never final
o We all need boundaries
o Consistent does not mean rigid
o Discipline but never punish
o Catch them doing things right
o Teach without anger, shame or blame
o There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” child
o Issue a warning, but mean it
o Spanking and screaming are not effective teachers
o Eliminate “Who’s at Fault?”
o Be aware of your body and facial language
o Treat each child as an individual
o Be careful of abusive adjectives, they really hurt
o Recognize effort and improvement
o Don’t punish them for telling the truth
o Deal with problems in private, praise in public
o Distinguish between minor mishaps and major problems
o Teach them to forgive and ask for forgiveness
o Be curious not furious-Ask questions
